Christmas 2014

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." (Isaiah 9:6).

 People have a tendency to get fixated on material things when it comes to Christmas. I scrolled through my Facebook and Instagram feeds this morning and most of the pictures were uploads from people showing off the presents that they had received. This is not what Christmas is about. Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ, who was sent to die for our sins so that we can have grace and the hope of eternal life when the end comes. And I personally think that this is so incredible.

  I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about this particular subject. Jesus himself was born in a stable and slept in a manger, which is pretty much as low as things could get back then. He didn't have much but He was surrounded by love and family. I stayed behind in college at the end of term again and those lonely weeks made me realise that for Christmas, all I want is to be with my family, surrounded by love, as cringey and corny as that sounds. And this year, I got exactly that. 

 About a month ago, when my Mum asked me to give her the list of what I wanted for Christmas, I had nothing to present. This is because for the first time in my life. I am truly content. This picture accurately sums up exactly how I'm feeling (read 'Santa' as God :):

    Merry Christmas, one and all :)

I failed.

  So, even after amending one of my New Year's Resolutions of blogging at least once a week, I still failed. I seriously underestimated how busy and intense the first term of my second year at university would be and I can honestly say that those ten weeks were the busiest weeks of my life. Going into Year 2 as an Access Officer, a Christian Union Rep, and Netball captain, as well as trying to keep on top of a pesky little thing known as a degree was....difficult. I've had a lot of fun though and the only thing that I will change next term is my organisational skills, so that I'll be able to balance and take on more things. I've learned a lot of things this term:

1) It is still important to speak now.

2) The true meaning of this scene.

3) Dealing with grief is a very difficult thing.

4) Dealing with your morals being attacked can be very very difficult as well.

5) It is important to become more engaged at university.

6) Truuuueeee friends (as ma gal HM sings) are still awesome.

Morals and literature.

   I had the worst tutorial ever yesterday. Do you want to know what was worse than the fact that I wasn't feeling well and the pitying looks from my lovely tutorial partner? The fact that I cried even though I tried really hard to hold it all in and my tutor could see that I was crying. And yet, she didn't relent in her attack.

  This weeks essay was on seventeenth century French tragedy, so the likes of Corneille and Racine. My tutor said a lot of things but the main thing that brought on the waterworks was the fact that she implied that my personal morals get in the way of me analysing literature 'correctly'. Ouch. This is probably one of the worst things that a tutor has ever said to me. I cried and I was in a low place for quite a while because my morals are a huge part of who I am. I wouldn't be who I am today without my morals or my beliefs. Am I expected to go against my beliefs and upbringing just to get a 1st of a 2.i?

  Her harsh words made me reflect a lot on exactly why I chose to a degree where literature is a huge component. I love literature. I love reading. I even love writing essays. I love all of these things because unlike with the sciences for example, there isn't one exact answer. Literature and texts can be analysed and read in so many different ways and I find this so exciting, as nerdy as it sounds. I love reading because I love learning more about different times and cultures, empathising with them and seeing what I can learn from them. If this means that I am not reading literature in the right way, then I am not sorry.

  It took me a long time to reach this conclusion. Heck, I was even going to apologise to my tutor for crying in the tutorial. Tough words from my friends made me realise that this was not the right thing to do. It is not okay to attack someone's personal morals. Not okay at all, no matter who you are. You cannot tell someone how to read. Everyone connects with literature in a different way, One should not undermine someone else's interpretation just because it is different from theirs.

  I'm not going to change my morals just to get a first. So, future Kenny, the next time your views are destroyed in a tutorial, don't cry. Defend your views and fight back.

EDIT- The tutor apologised for making me cry in my next tutorial with her. 

A letter to one of my bestfriends.

"I love you, I just don't like you anymore."
 
   This scene from 'One Day' has always made me feel sad. I saw the film about two years ago and although the scene moved me, I could never really understand how it is possible to love someone but dislike them at the same time. That was then. Now, I fully understand what Emma meant.

  Everyone loves their bestfriends, right? Your bestfriends know you better than other mere acquaintances. They know what makes you tick, share your interests, know how to cheer you up when you're feeling down, know the things that you stand for and believe in, as well as your hopes and dreams and aspirations. Bestfriends become your family away from your family, kind of like your home away from home and you know that they'll always have your back.

  Then, how does this dislike come in, you ask? It starts to seep in when this bestfriend, the one who knows what makes you tick begins to subtly insult you every now and them. He'll claim it's just 'banter' and 'friendly teasing', but banter can only last so long. Is it 'banter' for your bestfriend to repeatedly mock the way that you talk, the Nigerian/British/American accent that you can't help because you grew up bilingual and spent the first half of your life living in another country? Is it 'banter' for your bestfriend to repeatedly put down your beliefs, going as far as to imply that there is a 'negative correlation' between intelligence and having a faith, even though he knows that these beliefs make you who you are? Is it 'banter' for your bestfriend to repeatedly suggest that he is better prepared for the world than you are because he went to a private school and you went to a state school? Is it 'banter' for your bestfriend to repeatedly make disparaging remarks about those that you know who give blood and are dyslexic, for example?

  Dear bestfriend, I love you, I really do but I'm afraid if this continues, I'll start to dislike you and this dislike might even become hate and I really don't want this to happen. How can I prevent this from happening? I'll stop bottling things up and I'll start calling you out when you say things that are not okay or PC. Please don't see this as me attacking you. I only want to save our friendship and save you from alienating me and others. Thanks and speak soon.

Trueeee friends!

  Aristotle said that "friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies." Deep stuff, huh? These first few weeks back at uni have been so so stressful but due to the stress, I've been reflecting a lot on what true friendship means to me and the different ways that I have seen it so far this term.

  True friends are the ones that will come to your room at 2am in the morning to keep you entertained and to let you know that you're not alone in your essay crisis. True friends are the ones that will buy KitKat Chunkies during their weekly shopping trips for you to have when you come to visit them in their rooms because they know that those are the chocolates that you love the most. True friends are the ones that will swap cleaning days with you so that you can get to have a lie in on your only day off. True friends are the ones that will bring oranges to you when you're not feeling well. True friends are the ones that will offer to help you with organising an event even though they're in an essay crisis. True friends are the ones that will offer to play Netball for you at the last minute when other people bail on you.

  I could go on and on but I'll draw to a close here, To all the friends that have been there for me these past few weeks, thank you. As Clarence Odbody said in 'It's A Wonderful Life', "No man is a failure who has friends."

Grief.

  In the first term of my second year at university, two members of my family died. Grief can be defined as 'deep mental anguish.' It's one thing to know what it means but going through it is another kettle of fish.

  My aunt died when I was five and I lost an uncle at the age of nine but at those ages, I was too young to fully understand the meaning of death. When my Mum broke the news to me earlier this week about the deaths in the family, I tried not to think about them too much. Instead, I threw myself into work and my various responsibilities, overworking myself to an extent. This is denial, stage one of the five stages of grief. I realise now that I was trying to run away from dealing with the issues and my feelings. This was a really bad idea. At the end of the week, all the feelings that I'd been trying to suppress and ignore came crashing down on me on my day off and I was completely taken aback, unsure of how to react.

  I felt guilty, sad, and ashamed that I was having fun, when my family was going through so much. I ended up leaving the club alone and nearly hysterical, bawling on the phone to my sister on my way back to college. I now know that this was depression, the fourth stage in the five stages of grief. After lots of crying and Bible reading, I eventually reached stage five, which is acceptance.

  Dealing with grief is very difficult. Even though I've accepted the deaths now, the littlest things can set me off, from looking at a postcard to reading a book. (Simone de Beauvoir's 'Une mort très douce' is heartbreakingly poignant but perhaps not the best book to read when you're upset about a death...). Everyone deals with grief in different ways as we all cope in different ways. What keeps me going is the fact that God has a plan in everything and that my lost relatives are with Him. Rest in peace, uncles.

 

'Ghetto Princess'.

"Yeah, this is Kenny. She's the college's ghetto princess."

  There are so many reasons why this was not an okay thing to say to someone that is one of two black girls in a college. Especially as it was said by someone who is supposed to be my friend to a group of freshers that were meeting me for the first time! Sigh because this is the third time that something like this has happened. I confronted the 'friend' and she said the usual.."Oh, I'm not racist, this is just how me and my friends talk to each other back home." Sigh again. She was quite apologetic though and the good thing is that I don't think she'll ever say something like that again.

  The statement is a micro-aggression, a microinsult in fact, to be more specific. Microinsults are communications that convey rudeness and insensitivity and demean a person's racial heritage or identity. They can take the form of subtle snubs and hidden insulting messages to the person of colour. It is still important to keep speaking out against comments like these because although racism is no longer as overt as it once was, it has now taken the form of snide remarks like the aforementioned, which can become quite harmful if allowed to grow and fester.

  I'm still learning and trying to speak out more as it is not always easy to be the one voice that calls out things like these. But things are looking up because the more I speak out, the more my friends are starting to notice and speak out as well against things that are not okay. So yay for wins!

Student Journalism

     I'm officially a 'student journalist'! I wrote an article about being a front of house usher, and I bit back my fear and sent it to one of the main student papers at my university. The paper (which I won't name) rejected it, saying that it had 'nothing to do with theatre'.... right.

  Initially, I was crushed but I didn't give up! I sent it to another paper, it was accepted and my 'quasi-conversational tone and David Michell-esque rant' were praised. Here it is- http://www.cherwell.org/culture/stage/2014/09/28/the-men-in-black-life-as-an-usher

The moral of the story is...rejection will come but never give up!

Dead Poet's Society

   A few weeks ago, the world lost a phenomenal actor. I was so taken aback, shocked and upset when I heard the news of Robin Williams' death. Strangely, before the awful news broke, I'd spent most of the summer re-familiarising myself with my favourite films of his such as 'Hook', 'Night at the Museum', 'Jumanji' and 'Aladdin' to name a few, films that were huge parts of my childhood. To honour him, I decided to watch a film of his that I'd never seen before, 'Dead Poet's Society', a film that I'd heard a lot about in the past but had never gotten round to watching.

  'Dead Poet's Society' shows a more subdued side to Robin Williams as Mr Keating, an inspirational English teacher in a 1950s all boys American Prep school, who uses somewhat unconventional methods to teach his students valuable life lessons. The film really really touched and moved me; I would loosely describe it as a kind of American 'History Boys' but it is still very different from that classic. Although Williams isn't as wacky in this film as we're used to seeing him, there are still bursts of that comedic genius that we know and love. For example, there's a scene where he reads Shakespeare as John Wayne and Marlon Brando and his different voices are hilarious and spot on. Here are a few lessons that I learned from the film:

1) Carpe Diem- Seize the day! As cheesy as it sounds, don't be afraid to break the mould and make the most of the big world out there.

2) Live your life for you- don't feel pressured into making life-changing decisions that you don't choose for yourself. If I'd listened to people in the past instead of doing what I want to do, I'd probably be studying Economics or Engineering right now. Don't get me wrong, those are great degrees but they're not for me.

3) Teachers can really make a difference in the lives of their students. So, they should never be underestimated or looked down on and I think I'll probably teach at some point in my life.

4) Finally, if you're feeling sad or depressed, please seek help. Don't be afraid to share your real feelings and it is never too late for you to get help and support. You're not alone.
(If you or someone that you know needs help or is going through a tough time, call the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 (UK).

Rest in peace, Mr Williams, and thank you so much for all the laughs.

A Streetcar Named Desire

  To say that I was very excited to see the Young Vic's production of 'A Streetcar Named Desire' would be an understatement. The play was one of my AS English Literature set texts for coursework about two years ago and I loved it instantly. I'm also a big fan of the 1951 Academy Award winning film adaptation that starred Vivien Leigh and Marlon Brando. So, it's another understatement to say that I had very high expectations from this production and it certainly didn't disappoint.

  Tennessee Williams' Pulitzer Prize winning play follows Blanche DuBois (Gillian Anderson), a fading Southern Belle with delusions of grandeur and a lot of emotional baggage. After losing her family's plantation and wealth to death and debt, as well as her young husband, who committed suicide after Blanche discovered his homosexual affair, Blanche relies on her grand exaggerations (often lies), her fraying poise and affairs with young men to protect herself from the harsh reality of her life. Due to her immoral conduct, Blanche is eventually forced to leave her home town of Laurel, Mississippi and she goes to stay with her sister, Stella Kowalski (Vanessa Kirby), and her brutish and abusive husband Stanley Kowalksi (Ben Foster), in their already cramped apartment in the French Quarter of New Orleans, a decision that brings about the play's tragic ending.

  Gillian Anderson, who is best known for the American sci-fi horror drama television series, 'The X-Files', was heartbreakingly stunning as Blance DuBois. I laughed and I cried with Blanche as Anderson effortless portrayed the varying moods of a woman whose life is slowly spiralling out of her control. Her performance reminded me a lot of Cate Blanchett's Jasmine in 'Blue Jasmine', a 2013 loose adaptation of 'Streetcar' from Woody Allen and just like Blanchett, Anderson too deserves numerous accolades for her performance. Vanessa Kirby (Great Expectations, 2011) held her own as Blanche's long-suffering sister, Stella, and Ben Foster (Kill Your Darlings) truly shined and chilled as the primal Stanley; he was charming enough for us to see why Stella is so enamoured by him but still terrifying enough to cause Blanche's final breakdown.

  A great show needs a great production team and this is the case for the Young Vic's 'Streetcar'. Magda Willi's set design is brilliant due to it's revolving and open nature; nothing is hidden to the audience and this visually represents how the truth about Blanche's situation cannot stay a secret forever. Jon Clark's lighting design also adds to this, especially through how Blanche gets more and more spotlights as her lies become exposed. The music and sound from Alex Baranowski and Paul Arditti respectively add a modern twist to the story, making Tennessee William's masterpiece even more timeless.

  This production deserves endless amounts of praise but it is nearly half two in the morning and even wannabe theatre critics need sleep sometimes. So, I'll end with this: the Young Vic's 'A Streetcar Named Desire' was incredible and there was a stella-r performance from everyone involved with it (pun intended).

Rating 4/5 ****
 

Scandal

  'Scandal' is everything. I want to be a gladiator in a suit. I want Olivia Pope's fashion sense. If these three sentences mean nothing to you and you have no idea what I'm talking about, don't worry, I'll explain.

  'Scandal' is an American political thriller television series created by Shonda Rimes, the writer of the critically acclaimed 'Grey's Anatomy'. It stars Kerry Washington as Olivia Pope, a Washington D.C based crisis manager  with her own firm, 'Olivia Pope & Associates'. Pope is also the 'White House fixer', and it is her job to solve problems and scandals (hence the title) that the political elite face, in order to protect their public images. Pope's team (or 'gladiators in suits'), ex-CIA pro hacker Huck (Guillermo Diaz), judgemental but lovable litigator Abby Whelan (Darby Stanchfield), fast-talking lawyer Harrison Wright (Columbus Short) and new recruit Quinn Perkins (Katie Lowes), are all very loyal to Pope as she 'fixed' problems for all of them in the past and with their help, she is an unstoppable force and the best 'fixer' in Washington. Interesting fact: the lead character of Pope is loosely based on Judy Smith, who served as George H.W. Bush's Deputy Press Secretary and who also represented Monica Lewinsky in the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal.

  However, Olivia Pope has her own problems: her past. Before she started her own business, she was the White House Director of Communications and her close relationship with the married President Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III (Tony Goldwyn), who she helped with his presidential campaign was not (and still isn't) innocent. What do you get when you add an affair to election rigging, assassination attempts, blackmail attempts, bombs, conspiracy theories, family dramas, and pregnant White House interns? An incredible television drama that leaves you on the edge of your seat with your mouth agape!

  It's not only the fantastic writing and crazy plot twists that make 'Scandal' the thrilling watch that it is. Kerry Washington truly shines in the lead role with her spot on efficiency and line deliveries, whilst also emitting class and elegance- the lady sure can work the colour white! (Another interesting fact: a clothing line has just launched that is inspired by Washington's outfits in 'Scandal'). The other cast members are also exceptional and the show seems to have everything from humour and wit to heart quickening romance and action.

  But that's still not why I like 'Scandal' so much, The show amazes me because even though Kerry Washington is an 'African-American woman in the lead role of a prime-time television series', the colour of her skin is not her defining feature on the show. In 'Scandal', Olivia Pope is not 'Olivia Pope, the African-American woman', she's just Olivia Pope, a very intelligent woman that is the best at her job. I wish all of society could be this post-racial in real life, with all POC being recognised first for who they are and their skill sets, rather than the colour of their skin.

  I could go on and on about why this show appeals to me so. I could continue to praise Olivia Pope's strong character and day-dream about how I want a Jake Ballard (Scott Foley) in my life (swoon). I could even rant about why Olivia's relationship with the President really irks me (he doesn't deserve you, Olivia!!), but I don't want to give away too many juicy plot details.

  Watch 'Scandal'. Really, I mean it. If you don't like it, that's fine. If you end up loving it like I do, that's fine as well. The show has its flaws like all great things do and I might do another blog post about them. However, right now, I'm going to retire and continue with 'The Becoming Olivia Pope Plan' with my Nokia Lumia 925 and my growing collection of white blazers. I'll work up to the heels and white coat.

Rating- 8/10

Two years!

Hip hip, hooray, my blog is two years old today! I've come a long way since I first started this blog. Back then, I was seventeen and about to start Year 13. Now, I'm nineteen, I'm about to go into my second year of university and I was on national television today! (Wait, what?) Crazy times indeed!


I still have the same intentions that I had back then of reviewing things. However, university has made me more political and socially aware and there has been a lot of venting recently.
It's important to speak out against injustice so I definitely won't stop venting but I intend to be less slack with reviews. Watch this space!

Change

  I'm not a big fan of change. I'm the kind of person who will find a restaurant, pick one thing from the menu that I like, then get that same thing every single time that I go to the restaurant because I am wary of 'trying something new' (Pizza Express- dough balls and lasagne, Wagamama's- Yaki Soba etc). I'm also the kind of person who keeps things like old clothes and school books for years because I can't bear to part with them, even though I don't need them any more. My sister is witness to the fact that I'm a nightmare to share a room with because I clutter the place up with old junk that I should have binned years before. Yes, I know it's weird. If I know it's weird, then why do I do it, you ask?

  Well, for me, I guess there's something somewhat intimidating about the idea of change. It has connotations of making or becoming something different and letting go of something in order to take on something else. The scary part of this is that people like me often feel like they've only just adjusted to or gotten used to a certain situation when it is time for that situation to change. Also, in order to change, it is sometimes important to let go of a part of yourself and elements of the past. This too can be scary because established routines are comforting and familiar whereas the unknown is exactly what it says on the tin.

  However, change is not always all doom and gloom with no light at the end of the tunnel. With change, bigger and better things can come. In addition, one will not fully embrace these things if one keeps looking back and clinging to the past, instead of looking ahead. Furthermore, one can be changed for good (cue music from Wicked....).

  Peter Capaldi's first episode as the new Doctor in Doctor Who inspired this post. As someone who isn't too fond of change, I didn't like it when Matt Smith became the Doctor (I even boycotted his first episodes as I was fiercely loyal to David Tennant lol). Eventually, he grew on me and I liked him a lot so I was super gutted when he left last Christmas. I like to think that nineteen year old Kenny is now miles way mature fourteen year old Kenny. So this time, I didn't boycott the new Doctor and I actually really enjoyed the episode. From it, I learned that although change is scary and you might feel like you're becoming a completely different person, it'll be okay because deep down, you're still yourself.

  So, if a big change is on the horizon for you, like heading off to university for the first time or moving house, remember this piece of advice from someone who's been though a lot of change in her life: everything works out in the end and you'll be fine. I may not be a big fan of change but getting used to it will get easier and with time, I'll get better at it.

 

Paris

I was in Paris over the weekend and as always, it was wonderful.

Paris, Paris,
Tu attires cette fille,
Et je t'aime, Paris.
Tu attires cette fille,
Qui ne sait pas encore ce qu'elle va faire
Avec son avenir.
Mais la vie dure longtemps.
Donc, pour le moment,
Cette fille restera une francophile.

Daughter of a Preacher Man.

   My father is a pastor and it is his job to go around the world setting up churches. So, as a result of this, I am a 'Pastor's Daughter', or a 'Preacher's Daughter' and I pretty much grew up in the church. This is the first time that I've mentioned this fact on my blog because I don't want to be defined as 'Kenny, the Pastor's/ Preacher's Daughter'. This is because in African and church culture, there is a lot of pressure with this role because the congregation's eye is on the Pastor and his family; they're watching intently to see if the Pastor and his family lead exemplary lives. I try not to let the fact that I am a Pastor's Daughter determine my life because who my Dad is shouldn't rule my life and my decisions. As a Christian, my life should be ruled by what the Bible says and God himself. Also, I am really against the idea of people in the church watching every single move of the Pastor and his family. I believe that people should focus on themselves and their own Christianity first.

  There is a reason behind this rant. A very good friend of mine from church came up to me the other day and started suggesting subtly that I need to behave more like a 'Pastor's Daughter' because 'others are watching' my actions and decisions. This upset me because (I really hope this doesn't come across as conceited) I always try to be the best person that I can be and lead a good, Christian life. There is already so much pressure and difficulty with trying to be a Christian in today's secular society and I do not need additional pressure from busybodies. This friend suggested further that I was endangering my Christianity because at uni, I go out clubbing and listen to secular music.

  I go out clubbing with my friends because I like dancing. That's it. I don't drink and I'm not promiscuous. Also, the Bible encourages us to go out and try and spread the Word of God and for me, I have the best conversations regarding religion with people in clubs. This is because people tend to open up more about their true beliefs after a few drinks. I also find that looking after people on nights out is a good way to show Christian love; it involves going out on a limb for people and it can be so rewarding knowing that you were there for people.

  I can understand where this friend is coming from because Nigerian culture is quite different from Western culture. Some Nigerians (particularly the older generations) just can't understand that you can go to pubs and clubs without having to drink, hence why they completely stay away from them. Also, the Christian Unions in Nigerian universities tend to completely isolate themselves from the non-Christians, and they're like an uninviting clique. I tried to explain to my friend that this is not the best way to break the stereotype of Christians as judgemental people who believe that they're better than others. It says in the Bible in John 8:7 that "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." Basically, don't judge unless you're perfect and sinless. No one (except God) is perfect and sinless, soooo....

  I also tried to explain to her that different cultures call for different things. So, for example, involving myself with my friends' lives but not compromising any of my beliefs (e.g going out sans alcohol) and getting them safely back to college in their inebriated states is a better way to show love than judging them from afar with other Christians for drinking.

  With music, my friend believes that it's all black and white. In her eyes, secular music is the 'black' and religious music is the 'white'. To her, there are no grey areas and music has to explicitly mention God for it to be positive and uplifting. I disagreed with her. Sure, there are certain secular tunes that I would class in the 'black' area because these choons go against the things that I believe in and they encourage negative things such as misogyny, objectification ('She got a big booty, so I call her big booty'. Really, 2Chainz, really?), violence and racism. However, what about classical music, songs from musicals and songs that aren't particularly religious but still give good messages? As examples, I cite Einauldi, Céline Dion's 'I'm Alive', 'He Lives in You' from The Lion King and massive chooons from Five and S Club 7 like 'Keep on Moving' and 'Reach For The Stars'. Music's all about interpretation, right?
 
   Okay, rant over. I love being Nigerian, I really do. But sometimes, patronising friends and 'elders' that refuse to see and consider things from my own point of view really get me cross. 'Preacher's Daughter' Kenny out.

PS- I passed my first year of uni and I raised the most money during that telethon that I did a few months ago lol. Bring on Year 2!

How To Survive Your First Year At University

  I am no longer a fresher. Sad times. However, I have had the best year of my life and university has been everything that I expected it to be and more. Highlights of this year include all the great people that I've met, learning how to be my own person without my twin sister, the crazy traditions of my uni such as three-course formal dinners, bops, matriculation, crew dates, intense but enriching tutorials, May Morning, sub fusc, 'drinks with the Master' and more. I also became surer of my beliefs and grew emotionally. Although I won't be a fresher next year, I will be the CU Rep, Netball Captain and Access Rep for my college, so quite a lot of responsibility on my bony little shoulders! I am very excited for the latter position because certain events this year have proved that Access is an area that means a lot to me.

  So, with all this in mind, here is a Kenny guide on how to survive your first year at university. Refer to here for my other guide on Descartes, a guide that I forgot about then came across when I was revising for my Philosophy exam and then I nearly cried at how useful it was to me. Shout out to Past Kenny!

1) Get involved with as much as possible- If you think that you might get home sick and miss friends from home, the best way to counter this is by getting out there, meeting new people and doing activities that will keep you occupied! Most of the friends that I made this year were through societies like ACS, Wine Soc and French Film Soc, Netball, being on the marketing team for college plays, tutoring in local secondary schools and more!

2) Don't be a recluse- Get to know the people that you live with. You can do this from the day that you move in by simply keeping your door wedged open throughout the day. That's how I befriended my neighbour on my first day and we're still really good friends.

3) Cook- If you're not fully catered, don't be afraid to use the kitchen whenever possible! Cooking is a great way to get talking to others and two of my closest guy friends are people that I met in my first weeks in the kitchen.

My friends are amazing :)

4) Be yourself- Don't feel like you have to compromise your beliefs or give in to peer pressure in order to fit in at university. You will find people that will accept you and love you exactly as you are. For example, from reading this blog, you can probably tell that I am a devout Christian and as a result of this, there are certain things that my friends do that I don't do and vice versa e.g, going to church. However, my friends do not ostracise me for this; they totally understand and respect my beliefs and the things that I do. In fact, they were so enamoured by these things that a group of them decided to nominate me for a prestigious college award. Due to their many kind words, I won and was presented with this award in a JCR meeting. I was totally taken aback and I cried like the sap that I am. What is the point of this story? It truly pays to be a good person and little actions can go a long way and touch people in ways that you might not expect.

5) Speak now- If certain things rub you the wrong way and make you feel upset, it is better to speak, be honest and confront your friend in order to save your friendship than to let these negative feelings fester and slowly ruin your friendship.

6) Don't be afraid to try something new- That's what university is for! Get out of your comfort zone; you're not paying £9,000 a year to be the same person that you were in secondary school. I tried rowing and failed at it (lol) but at least I can say that I tried it! Don't go too cray with trying new things, though. Be sure to keep it safe and legal!

7) Work hard, play hard- If you work all the time, university life will become a chore. Yes, it is very important that you do all your work and hand it in on time but also make sure that you make some down time to chillax and hang out with friends. My 'down time' included cinema dates, having tea with friends and chatting until the early hours of the morning and night outs, where I proved that it IS possible to have a good time completely sober sans alcohol.

That's all, folks. If there's anything I missed out, read my sister's own guide on the same topic. You'd think we were twins, or something....

The wanderer returns...

After 8 exams (21 hours in total), more than 50 essays and essay plans (I have the writing bump on my finger to prove it), 18 primary texts, countless essay crises, late nights/ early mornings with one or two tears, prelims are officially over, as is my first year at university!

Sub fusc fun

  Highlights of prelims included getting to wear 'sub fusc', different coloured carnations and getting papped by bemused tourists. Darker aspects of prelims included the exam hall that was more than 30mins of walking from college, taxis that turned up 45 minutes late, one of them actually made me late for my sixth exam and I wasn't given extra time! Fun times. Thankfully, the essay questions in that particular exam weren't too bad and I didn't need the extra time in the end but such unnecessary stress!

  I'm just so so glad that they're finally over. I would never have gotten through those two weeks without the support of my family and friends. They provided multiple hugs, chocs, text messages, notes and snap chats to cheer me up when I had my low moments. One great gal even made me packed lunches on the days when I had two exams because I couldn't come back to college to get food. I was so touched that I cried.

 
I am so thankful to God for getting me through the dark tunnel that was prelims and for helping me survive my first year at uni! Freedom feels so so good and I am so pumped to be back on the blogging scene, I've really missed this! Maybe I never left and you just missed my posts...wait, what?

Maya Angelou

 I am so so sad that Maya Angelou is dead. She was such an inspiration and I really connected with her poetry when I studied her for A Level English Literature. Maya reaffirmed for me that the colour's of one's skin is a badge of pride that makes one phenomenal. From Maya, I learned that it is possible to rise against oppression and overcome the demons of the past. Also, even though, one can sometimes feel caged by society, it is still possible to sing and fight for freedom. The world has truly lost an incredible woman. RIP.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

An apology and an amendment

It's official: I am the worst at this blogging thing.

    In my defence, it has been an incredibly hectic, stressful and tense term at university, and the thought of my eight exams (21 hours of exams, wOoOoOo, FML) hasn't made things easier. I have a lot to blog about but I just don't have much time nowadays to sit down and actually get my thoughts out.

  However, do not fear, my faithful fans (Mum, Tai, Leo and an amazing lady in Southeast Asia lol), posts on inspirational teachers, heartbreak over the situation in Nigeria, The History Boys and a History boy, Maya Angelou, Access, even more challenges with being a minority in college and one of the Christian Union reps are coming! I don't know when (probs after exams but I'll change the dates to make it look like I blogged during term time lol) but it'll be like these posts were always there...

  So, I propose an amendment to one of my New Year's Resolutions; instead of blogging once a week, by the end of the year, I need to have done at least 52 blog posts.

That's all, folks. Speak soon.

"Black people can't row."

  In Fresher's Week, I met a boy. Let's call him Scott. Although his first words to me should have put me off immediately ("Hi, I'm Scott and you'll be voting for me one day."), I ignored them and assumed that he was joking, because that's what PPE students do...right? Anyway, a group of us decided to go to the pub for drinks, in order to get to know one another better. For some reason, we started talking about rowing (Scott was an avid rower in secondary school), then all of a sudden, Scott announced matter-of-factly that 'black people can't row', looking very pointedly at me. He was so sure of himself, backing up his ludicrous claims by giving examples of black people in his school that couldn't row. Being the only black person in that pub, I felt embarrassed to have been so singled out but as it was Fresher's Week, I didn't want to make a scene and be know as 'The Black Girl That Gets Easily Offended'. So, I laughed it off as a joke, even though I was seething inside, thinking to myself, "Boy did I misjudge this guy, what a jerk!" and from then on, I avoided Scott and disliked him from afar. That was my first mistake.

  Flash forward to two terms later, post the 'too black' incident. Scott decided to run for a position on the college committee and at dinner, I was explaining to my friends why he would not be getting my vote. I cited the rowing incident as one of the many reasons why I found him rude and unapproachable. Five of my six friends on the dinner table were appalled at what Scott had said to me and were totally on my side. However, one of them didn't see anything wrong with what Scott had said. Let's call this friend George. George started going on about how Scott was correct due to things like 'survival of the fittest', the bone structure of black people and the slave trade. Sorry, what?

  I laughed nervously and told George to be very careful with his words as he was slowly digging himself into a hole. Unlike with the 'too black' incident, my other friends on the table weren't silent; they rushed to my defence and repeatedly told George to stop talking. However, George stubbornly stood by his words and refused to see the fault in them. As I had to leave dinner early for a meeting, I couldn't really emphasise to George how wrong he was and as I was late for my meeting, I completely forgot about what he had said. This was my second mistake.

  Later that night, my friends and I were going out to a club but at predrinks, I felt disengaged with everything but I couldn't pinpoint exactly why this was so. Then, as we were walking to the club, my good friend Hazza D came up to me and started apologising profusely for not defending me more at dinner with George. Then, all the hurt that I had repressed came rushing at me and I burst into tears in the middle of the street. I felt so disappointed with myself. Although I had improved slightly from the 'too black' incident with defending myself, it still wasn't good enough as George had no idea at all how much his words had affected me and that he was in the wrong!

  Somehow, despite my emotional state, I made it into the club but I was very upset. I needed to be alone and think about what I was going to do but I didn't want to be a downer and ruin my friends' night out. With a lot of difficulty, I escaped from the care and worrying eyes of Hazza D and another great friend, that we'll call Froggie. I went back to college alone after less than half an hour at the club to get some advice on what to do from my lovely college husband. My reliable sister assured me that I wasn't overreacting, as did the hubby and he also emphasised to me that just like with the friend from the 'too black' incident, George isn't racist; he is just ignorant about certain things. Due to this ignorance, George doesn't know when he comes across as un-PC.

  Hazza D, Froggie, and the hubby were very furious at George for making me cry and they were vocal about this to him. The next day, George came to my room nearly in tears. He apologised repeatedly for how thoughtless he had been and wanted to know if we could still be friends. I forgave him and we had a very long heart to heart about the whole situation and now, we are stronger friends. Long story over.

  I learned a lot of things from this experience. 1) I should have told Scott that his words were rude in Fresher's Week, instead of being afraid of looking like the stereotypical 'Angry Black Woman'. 2) Likewise, I should have chastised George instantly for his rude comments, instead of letting the situation magnify and exploding with tears. 3) Due to the kind of environment that I'm in, micro-aggressions are more likely to occur (a week ago, there was an incident with an old man and McDonalds...ask if you're really interested in knowing) but it is my job to never let them defeat me and to always speak now and defend myself. 4) Great friends are out there. With the 'too black' incident, I had felt completely alone because none of my other 'friends' on the dinner table had noticed the error but this time, friends like Froggie, the hubby and Hazza D were pivotal in resolving the issue.

   So yeah, that's me. As Clarence Oddbody says in 'It's a Wonderful Life (BRILLIANT film, I highly recommend it), "No man is a failure who has friends." Peace out.

The History Boys

  Alan Bennett's award winning 'The History Boys' premiered at the National Theatre in 2004 and it is somewhat fitting that the play has come to Oxford for its tenth anniversary, due to its subject matter. 'The History Boys' is set in the 1980s in a northern secondary school and it follows a group of high achieving history students as they prepare for Oxford and Cambridge entrance examinations, under the guidance of three teachers who differ in teaching styles.

  In one word, this recent production directed by James Lorenz was fantastic. 'The History Boys' is a nation favourite as the 2006 film made stars such as Dominic Cooper and James Corden household names. This recent production reminded us all of why the play is so loved with its mix of humour and compelling issues. These issues include whether or not there is a wrong or right method of teaching, the true meaning of history, how lines can often become blurred in teacher-student relationships and so on. Luke Rollason was especially brilliant, heartbreaking and hilarious as Posner, alongside Tommy Siman who excelled as the pompous Dakin. Benedict Morrison shined as the controversial Hector, a character that has divided audiences over years due to the darker implications related to the character.

  This new production of the play resonated well with its audience that was mostly students of the university, who had all been through the interview rigorous admission process, this writer included. 'The History Boys' raises questions as to whether the 'Oxbridge experience' is all worth it in the end, a question that is still discussed today. Although the play was almost three hours long with an interval, it never felt too long or boring as the ensemble cast were superb and engaging as well as moving and unforgettable.

Rating 4/5 ****

Inspirational Teachers

  Helen Mirren won the BAFTA Fellowship this year, a lifetime achievement award that honours the work and outstanding achievements of incredible actors, film directors, producers in film and television, screen writers, editors and so on. Dame Mirren then dedicated the award to Mrs Welding, a woman who had been her English teacher at school and the only person that encouraged her to follow her dreams of becoming an actor.

   Due to the hustle and bustle of university, I completely forgot that the BAFTAs were on TV. Sad times. So, I first came across Dame Mirren's moving speech at a Teach First Conference that I attended a few months ago, where I had to talk to trainee teachers about my experiences with the organisation and how I know from my own experiences that Teach First teachers really do make a difference in the lives of the students that they teach. In fact, I never considered teaching until I came across Teach First and now, teaching has become a possibility for me as I want to make a difference, even though that sounds super corny.

  The next time that I came across the speech was at the Oxford University Inspirational Teachers Award ceremony, where the video was played before the host of the event read out a message from Dame Mirren herself, who congratulated the winning teachers and apologised for not being able to make the ceremony. I. Could. Have. Met. Dame. Helen. Mirren. But whatevs. I'm not bothered about that at all...

  Although I was only allowed to nominate one teacher who had inspired me (cheers, Mr B!), there are a few others that have done this as well and this post is to give them some recognition. Why am I doing this, you ask? I find that students in the UK (not all students, mind!) often take teachers for granted, talking back at them and swearing at them in classrooms etc and teaching is often looked down by other professions because some believe that it doesn't pay enough or that teachers 'have it easy' with the 'regular breaks' that they get with school holidays. I personally believe that teachers deserve a lot of respect because they are the ones that form the minds of tomorrow; they encourage these minds, help them to develop their talents and as Dame Mirren mentioned in her speech, teachers often motivate their students to aim for their future careers. Okay, with all this in mind, here are the teachers that have inspired me:

  Thank you Mr N for teaching me to never give up when I was five years old and I was crying because I had failed a test for the first time in my life. Thank you Mr R, who was my amazing singing teacher/ after school tutor for everything (I was a slow kid lol) from when I was five until I left Nigeria aged nine. Mr R put up with how strange I was as a child and made me believe in myself, even though it took me a while to catch up with my sister and the rest of the class. He also encouraged my love of singing, and he was a huge part of the reason why singing was such a big part of my childhood, and who I am today. Mr O was just like Mr R because he tutored me after school as well (I'm not kidding when I say I was a slow kid) and he inspired me to write because he was the first person that I knew to publish a book, showing me that normal people can write too, and that being a writer is not restricted to a certain group of people.

  Last but most definitely not least, a massive thank you to Miss S (I hear she's a Mrs these days...). Although she was only formally my teacher for two terms when I was in Year 11, she still helped me out informally in her spare time during my A Levels, a true testament to how great teachers really go above and beyond for their students. She also totally changed the way I viewed many things by introducing me to ideas on feminism and postcolonialism. Furthermore, she inspired me to think outside the box and not be complacent with work, in order to be able to keep improving with work.

  I'm still in contact with all of these teachers and although I've said it many times in the past, this post reaffirms how thankful I am to them for all that they have done for me. I wouldn't be where I am today without them.

Bring Back Our Girls

  It is so easy to completely ignore the atrocities that occur in the other parts of the world when they have nothing to do with us. I am absolutely appalled and horrified by all that is going on in my home country, Nigeria with Bokom Haram. We have a responsibility as human beings to speak out against injustice. If we don't speak out for others, who will speak for us in our times of need? A poem by Martin Niemöller comes to mind:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

#BringBackOurGirls

The start of Trinity term...

So, I am back in college for the final term of my first year at university and the joy of collections once again, which are tests at the start of each term yayyy (NOT). They were 'meh' and then I went out with my friends to celebrate. However, something happened on this night out that I am going to express with a lame poem.

They say that every girl wants a gay bestfriend,
A guy that she can talk to in a totally platonic way,
Who gives her insight into the male brain,
And keeps the night club sharks at bay.

But what is this girl supposed to say
When her gay bestfriend repeatedly tells her when drunk
That he sometimes looks at her and wishes that he wasn't gay?

Are the words true?
Or are they the senseless mutterings of an inebriated mind?
Indeed, what should this girl do,
To solve this problem that has plagued mankind?

Reppin' da CU

 At the end of last term, I got made one of the reps for my college's Christain Union. Hooray! Praise God! My responsibilities will involve leading the weekly Bible studies and prayer meetings, organising CU events in college like Text-A-Toastie and trying to spread the message of what Christianity is all about around college. Daunting stuff but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! (Philippians 4:13).

Ledbury is beauts

  I had to go away for a training weekend in Ledbury with the other CU reps around the university and it was such a great experience to get away from the hustle and bustle of student life to focus on spiritual things. One of the main messages that I got during Reps'
Conference was through a song called 'Oceans' by Hillsong United and this song pretty much sums up all I aim to gain from being a CU rep, these lyrics especially:

'Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever you may call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Saviour'.

I know repping won't be all smooth sailing and that I will face some challenges along the way but I hope that God will help me get through them.

An Intervention

 'An Intervention' is Mark Bartlett's latest play, after hits such as his adaptation of Medea and Love, Love, Love and it is a captivating and  emotional masterpiece that will leave you thinking about it long after the lights go up. 'An Intervention' stars Rachael Sterling (Medea) and John Hollingworth (Our Country's Good) in a touching, funny story about what happens when you hate your best friend.

  The chemistry between the two leads is believable, electric and natural. The play's pace is never static as they bring Bartlett's exceptionally current and relevant script to life by exploring the hilarious and moving aspects of it equally. Stirling is heartbreakingly brilliant in her role, and through her character, the audience is made to reflect on the destructive and supportive parts of friendships; how little actions can go a long way and how it is better to have one friend than no friend at all and Hollingworth is perfect in his role as this friend.

  Furthermore, the minimalist lighting and set make it easier to focus on the dialogue, as well as the tough issues that are explored in the play such as alcoholism, the nature of war, health problems and so on. 'An Intervention' made this reviewer cry, laugh and cry some more and Mark Bartlett has truly outdone himself with this oeuvre.

Rating 4/5 ****

Star-Crossed

  There are many things that I regret and am very bitter about when I think about Year 12, my first year of A Levels. I regret not taking my AS subject more seriously. I regret not saying 'no' more often; I would have avoided the stress of multiple commitments and responsibilities if I had done this. I regret doing five subjects but the subject that I am most bitter about is History. My course was American History so we did Civil Rights from 1945- 1968, then Presidents from 1968-2001. I was really excited to learn about this period because I find it all so intriguing and fascinating. However, unfortunately, I had a terrible History teacher who taught the course in a very poor way. So, I wasn't able to get much out of it, which was very sad. But enough dwelling on sad times, this post is about a new TV show that I'm really into,'Star-Crossed'.

  'Star-Crossed' is a sci-fi drama that is set in the near-future. It follows the romance between a human girl called Emery and an alien boy called Roman after his species, the Atrians, crash land on Earth. The aliens are rounded up by the humans and made to stay in a confinement camp known as 'The Sector', where they have curfews, locked gates, 24hour armed security and monitory devices to ensure that they do not step out of bounds. Ten years after their initial arrival, seven Atrian teenagers are chosen to be the first to attend high school with humans, on a trial integration programme.

 What initially drew me to the show is the way that similarities can be drawn between the 'Atrian 7' and the 'Little Rock Nine', and I had a nerd moment with myself because I remembered something from the sham that was my AS History year! (My rambling intro wasn't for nothing, folks).

The 'Little Rock Nine' were the first group of African American students to enrol at Little Rock Central High School, Little Rock, Arkansas in 1957, due to previous segregation laws. They were met by angry mobs, protests, verbal and physical abuse and had to be admitted under the protection of the US Army. It was a very difficult year for the African American students (one of the girls even had acid thrown at her!) but it was a very important milestone in the fight for equality and at least four of them eventually graduated from the school and went on to university.

  It is evident that 'Star-Crossed' took inspiration from this as the Atrian 7 are met with similar scenes and it can even be said that the human terrorist, anti-integration organisation that is shown on the show, the Redhawks, were inspired by the KKK and its alien counter-part, 'The Trags', the Black Panthers.The show deals with issues such as acceptance, intolerance and the fear of 'the other' that is inherent in most humans. Although these issues could be explored in more detail, instead of just taking a back seat to the predictable love-story, it's still a good show nevertheless. Furthermore, some critics have criticised the way that the only things that makes the Atrians seem 'alien' are the tattoo-like markings on their faces but I think this is effective as it shows how ridiculous prejudice is because there is no real difference between them and the humans.

  If you like the sound of 'Star-Crossed' and would like to check it out for yourself, it shows on Sky1 at 8pm on Fridays in the UK and there is something in it for everyone from cool futuristic shizzle to a bit of romance and an exploration of deep issues.

Rating- 6/10.

The End of Hilary Term!

She looks happy but  I bet she's actually dying inside, like I was.

 I am home! It has been the longest term EVER. Hilary term actually ended on 15th of March but I didn't leave until the 31st of March as I stayed behind to work for college, for the annual alumni telethon. Those were probably the longest and loneliest sixteen days of my life and I am not being melodramatic. The job itself was so soul destroying and college is a totally different place without my friends and other students there. However, I made a lot of £££, got a bit of work done and learned a few lessons from the telethon and my second term at university:

1) I will never EVER work at a job that I hate. I was literally counting down the seconds until my shift ended.

2) I am good at talking to people and charming them over the phone to donate. So good, in fact, that I was rewarded with wine and chocolate eggs by my supervisors. It made me really start to hate myself, though. Too much hustlin' for me.

3) One of the alumni that I spoke to suggested a very interesting way of analysing the texts that I study; he told me that as a Christian, I should try examining my texts from a Christian perspective, as that will help me relate to the texts more and feel more about them. I have never considered that before but from now on, I will definitely be considering what a Christian would say about Baudelaire, Beauvoir and Laclos!

4) My college has always been the lovely, friendly and welcoming environment that I know it to be today, so yayy for Pembroke!

5) Never settle for second best: if your current friends don't treat you like you deserve and if there is an imbalance in your relationship, put yourself out there and find better ones. Trust me, they're out there and I definitely found some this term.

6) I learned how to stop being a doormat with the help of my family and great friends. If you feel that something is wrong, don't just take it. Speak now and stick up for yourself.

7) Boys are very very confusing creatures and I am still very confused about this whole 'love' thing. I mean, what even is love?

8) I'm still going out completely sober and having a lot of fun! Being 'the Mother' of the group is not as tedious as some think it is. As lame as it sounds, I love being there for my friends.

9) Access is still a big deal for me. A really big deal.

Now, to enjoy being home! I look forward to spending entire days in my PJs and just lazing about. LOL JK, I have collections to revise for and a whole lot of reading to do. But I'd rather not think about that right now...

How To Survive A Telethon

After nearly three weeks working at a telethon, I now see myself as a bit of an expert in this particular area so I decided to create the Kenny guide to surviving a telethon.

1) Have a nap before your shift.

2) Wake up ten minutes before your shift, freak out and question what made you sign up for this.

3) Speed walk to the telethon centre to some sick choons, hating life more and more with each step you take.

4) Waste 15- 20 minutes 'making tea' and eating biscuits with your fellow colleagues, taking comfort in the fact that you have each other in facing this ordeal.

5) Spend five minutes walking to your desk that is less than ten feet away when your boss eventually tells you to start working.

6) Use a further 10-15 minutes to 'boot your laptop' and 'prepare' for your first call.

7) Ah, two voice mails in a row? You're really working hard! You deserve a tea/ biscuit break.

8) After spending more than half an hour talking to an alumnus that decides to make a small one-off donation, you've truly earned another 10/15 minutes for a 'break' and prep time.

9) Repeat steps 7 and 8 until the shift ends.

10) After the shift, head back to college for a compulsory moaning and complaining session with the rest of your colleagues about the shift and share weird moments that you had over the phone.

Disclaimer- Kenny is not liable if any of these steps get you fired.

I, too, am Oxford.

Photo: itooamoxford.tumblr.com

    I'm sure most of you have probably heard of the 'I, too, am Harvard' campaign and the campaigns in Oxford, Cambridge, SOAS and King's that followed as a result, to name a few. Basically, students of ethnic minorities at these universities did a series of photographs holding up boards that highlighted the day to day micro-aggressions that they faced. There are many reasons why I decided to get involved with the one at Oxford. One of them was due to the 'too black' incident, another was the fact that I think at places like my university, there are many ignorant people who are unaware of how insulting their one-off comments can be and campaigns like these are vital in opening their eyes. Also, I wanted to send out a message that the days of 'door mat Kenny' are long, long over and I really think that my university needs to start talking about race and issues like under representation.

  I'm also sure that most of you have also heard of the 'We Are All Oxford' campaign that launched as a counter campaign to 'I, too, am Oxford'. Although they claimed that they weren't undermining our campaign, sadly, that is exactly what they did. They claimed that their campaign was necessary in order to show the 'full picture' to potential candidates, that discrimination is rare at Oxford and that the university 'selects on academic excellence'. What really bugged me about their claims is the fact that they completely missed the point and by doing this, they proved exactly why 'I, too, am Oxford' was needed. Nobody is saying that Oxford does not select based on academic excellence. In fact, I think future applicants would be more put off by WAAO's whitewash campaign. Personally, I would feel more comfortable applying to a university where the students stood up for themselves and spoke out against prejudice than one where students tried to pretend that all was fine. This made me laugh- http://weareallawful.tumblr.com/

Photo: itooamoxford.tumblr.com

  Also, WHY is Access always brought up when ethnic minorities at top universities are discussed? That's another thing/ fail that bugged me about WAAO. Sure, Access Schemes are great but it is very wrong and presumptuous to assume that all POC are at a top university on an Access Scheme, and that's why I put it on my board. Sadly, yet again, it was someone very close to me that asked me that question and she didn't even know that her words had offended me. 

  I keep going on about WAAO because the whole campaign just really irritated me and what made it worse was the fact that I know the girl that was the brains behind it all. Everyone's experience of race and prejudice is subjective so I really don't approve when others try to undermine it and say "Well, I don't find that racist" or "That doesn't sound racist to me." Racism is no longer the segregation and Jim Crow laws of the 1960s but it now consists of little micro-aggressions and asides that one should not ignore. It is best to speak now and let your friends know if you're not comfortable with their words. I am so glad that the campaign got picked up by major news outlets such as the BBC, BuzzFeed, Guardian, Telegraph, Huffington Post etc. I've even been stopped on the streets and in clubs because of it and all of my friends have reacted so positively to it.I think the campaign has really opened up their eyes to certain things that are not okay to say to POC and I am so happy that I contributed to it. 

  I, too, am Oxford and I worked my butt off to get to where I am and I will never ever be made to feel inferior ever again.

PS- I recently found out that my friend, Leo, stalks 'reads' my blog. This is a shout out to Leo and his stalker self x

"Too Black."

  Tonight, I was angry. I was very angry at myself for letting something slide without comment. Now, I am not so angry. I guess to fully explain why I was so angry, I'd better start at the beginning.

  Before I started at my university last year, I knew that I'd be a minority due to being black. I knew this because I hardly saw any black people during the interview process and I also knew this due to how taken aback many black people that I knew looked whenever I told them the name of my university. Unlike what the press *coughDAILYMAILcough* would have you believe, this is not the university's fault. I've seen for myself the sad fact that many gifted people of colour decide against applying to my university because they feel like the university establishment itself will look down on them due to their backgrounds and ethnicities. Some people also fear that they will be totally ostracised from the 'posh, rich' people, feel totally alone and alien and that they will not be accepted or fit in. For a very long time, I have tried my best to dispel these rumours in order to prove that this view of the university is false. I have never felt lonely or been made to feel different because of the colour of my skin. However, this all changed tonight.

  At dinner, I was sat with someone that I've always seen as one of the people that I'm closest to in my college and we were discussing a club night that the African Caribbean Society is planning for students. My friend then announced that she would not be attending the event as it was "too black" for her. I laughed in disbelief as I couldn't quite believe that I'd heard right and then I said nothing. Nothing.

  After dinner, I came back to my room and I just couldn't get her words out of my mind. Too black. Too black. What the heck does that mean? Is there a certain quota of 'black' that I need to be, a quota that's not too much that will make me acceptable to her and others? Am I only accepted because I am supposed to act in a way that some would call 'oreo', that makes people forget that I am of African origin? I thought about all the different things that I could have said to her at the dinner table, words that came belatedly, words that would have let her know that her statement sounded rude and racist and that was when I started crying.

  For the first time in my life, I felt completely alone. I always joke about how I'm one of the two black people in college but I can say that I've never felt the loneliness of being a minority until tonight. Her words, "too black",made me feel unwanted, and that it was wrong of me to want to participate in events that celebrate my culture. I also felt like I had betrayed myself and my people by not saying anything and that made me cry even more. I sought advice from a friend, one of the kindest and sweetest souls that I've ever met and my sister and they both convinced me that I had to tell her how much her words had hurt.

  After much dilly- dallying, I eventually went to her room, approximately two hours after the incident,and I told her. She had no idea that her words could have been interpreted in a racist way and she seemed genuinely apologetic and contrite. I've forgiven her as I believe that she honestly chose the wrong way to express that she was not into RnB music and I hope our friendship will remain intact, God willing.

  So, my long tale has come to an end. I learned a lot from tonight. 1) The best advice and friendships come from the unlikeliest of people (I love you with a fiery passion, Hazza D x). 2) Never, EVER be afraid of speaking out if something has upset you. It is better to speak now and save a friendship than to let things bottle up and explode later on down the line, ruining a friendship irrevocably. 3) I really, REALLY need to stop being such 'doormat' as my good friend Hazza D puts it. I need to man up and stop relying on my sister to fight my battles for me.

  Why was I so affected by her words? I guess it was just the shock of something like that coming from someone that was supposed to be a good friend. I was also still reeling from this article that I'd recently read, and as my university is similar to that one, I was worried that I was losing my 'voice'.

  I want to end by saying that there is definitely no such thing as being "too black", be it with tastes or physical appearance. Also, despite what happened tonight, I still stand by the view that my university is a safe and welcoming place for people of colour and I will not let the careless words of one person take away the fact that many others accept and love me exactly as I am.

Ma main man, Sartre.

  This week was an especially busy one for Kenny! I was on the marketing team for a college production; we put on a double bill of French absurdist plays in translation- 'Le Malentendu' (The Misunderstanding) by Albert Camus and 'Huis Clos' (No Exit) by Jean-Paul Sartre. Marketing turned out to be wayyy more stressful than I originally thought it would be as my friend, Emma, and I were in charge of designing the poster, sorting out the ticketing system which was IMMENSELY complicated as there were banks and PayPal involved, sorting out the programmes, the online Facebook event and the serving of drinks in the interval. Emma and I had many stressful late nights, intense marketing meetings and angry moments as our producer became really demanding, at one point expecting us to walk to all of the colleges in Oxford (there are 38 in total!) to put up posters! I remember being really angry at all of the demands but looking back, it wasn't the producer's fault as she had a lot of responsibilities too. In addition, this week, I started my French Literary Theory module which I currently find the most difficult of all my papers. So, I was also busy and stressed with that!

  However, despite the stressful build up, the shows went so well! We had three performances in total and the final show actually sold out, due to the awesome marketing of course ;). Camus' 'The Misunderstanding' is about a man who has been away from his home for many years. When he returns, his mother (who is now a widow) and his sister are making a living by taking in lodgers and killing them. 'No Exit' by Sartre is about three dead people in hell, who are punished by being being locked in a room together for all eternity. As you can clearly see, the plays were very cheerful(!)

One of my set texts for exam this year is Samuel Beckett's 'En Attendant Godot', another absurdist play that my college did a performance of last term that I also did the marketing for. Theatre of the Absurd really fascinates me because it's just so, well, absurd; it features characters that are trapped in incomprehensible worlds and characters that are often in pairs, 'pseudo-couples', who are trapped in clichés and routines. Some of the features of absurdist plays include religion, existentialism, comedy and nonsensical language.

Judgin' u 

  Out of the two plays that we put on, 'No Exit' was my favourite. This is because I found the portrayal of hell so intriguing and one of the most famous lines from the play is "L'enfer, c'est les autres", which literally translates to 'Hell is other people.' Sartre is putting forward the idea that hell might not be the literal fire and brimstone and burning that everyone assumes it is; hell can be the company of other people because people can torture and hurt you, not necessarily physically but with their words. Chilling stuff.

  I am studying Sartre's 'Qu'est ce que la littérature?' as one of my set texts for French Literary Theory and I really like his chapter on 'Pourquoi Ecrire?', which includes his views on why people write. It took me a very long time to understand this chapter (again, I emphasise the difficulty of reading philosophy and literary criticism in French- English is already difficult enough to understand!) and I eventually had a 'Eureka!' moment at half two in the morning. According to Sartre, we write because through it, we can express ourselves and be free as through writing, our ideas can take off and  literature can exist forever as it is re-read by different audiences over the years. Pretty cool stuff, huh? Sartre's existentialism still drives me insane with how pretentious it can be at times. And he also had a very weird relationship with Simone De Beauvoir.
But that is a story for another day. Peace out.

5th Week Blues: Take 2

  Yup, it happened again. I got hit by the dreaded 5th Week Blues again. This term, it was even worse than last term because I was missing my sister (she came to visit me over the weekend and left on Tuesday), I was ill and also under a lot of pressure from work and my various commitments. I felt so low that I had to bail out of Bridge with friends and if you know me, you'll know how much I love Bridge.

  I decided to have a quiet evening in with myself instead, catching up on work, sleep and just reflecting. I had an early night and woke up this morning feeling so much better. I guess from time to time, everyone feels low; it's all about deciding to power through by dwelling on positive things, like the fact that I am alive and studying my dream course at my dream university. I said in my last post that I would have some exciting news and the news is that I have been chosen to be one of the new Christian Union reps for my college, starting from next term! I was totally pleased and touched to me asked but also very scared at the same time as being a CU rep has a lot of responsibilities that people aren't aware of! For example, I'll be in charge of organising Text-A-Toastie, Bible Studies, Prayer Meetings and Prayer Brunches to name a few.

  I prayed a lot about it, asked for advice from my Dada, the Pastor, who was very chuffed about it all and I decided to accept the position. I'm really excited for all that Trinity term will bring with CU and by God's grace, it will be a great term and I can't wait! The 5th Week Blues were eventually conquered as I ended the week at a swing themed birthday party with my good friends. I learned two things at that party; 1) Good friends care about you, support you in your accomplishments

and will go the extra mile to ensure that you're okay when you're feeling down. 2) The Japanese Slipper is a very very good cocktail.