I had the worst tutorial ever yesterday. Do you want to know what was worse than the fact that I wasn't feeling well and the pitying looks from my lovely tutorial partner? The fact that I cried even though I tried really hard to hold it all in and my tutor could see that I was crying. And yet, she didn't relent in her attack.
This weeks essay was on seventeenth century French tragedy, so the likes of Corneille and Racine. My tutor said a lot of things but the main thing that brought on the waterworks was the fact that she implied that my personal morals get in the way of me analysing literature 'correctly'. Ouch. This is probably one of the worst things that a tutor has ever said to me. I cried and I was in a low place for quite a while because my morals are a huge part of who I am. I wouldn't be who I am today without my morals or my beliefs. Am I expected to go against my beliefs and upbringing just to get a 1st of a 2.i?
Her harsh words made me reflect a lot on exactly why I chose to a degree where literature is a huge component. I love literature. I love reading. I even love writing essays. I love all of these things because unlike with the sciences for example, there isn't one exact answer. Literature and texts can be analysed and read in so many different ways and I find this so exciting, as nerdy as it sounds. I love reading because I love learning more about different times and cultures, empathising with them and seeing what I can learn from them. If this means that I am not reading literature in the right way, then I am not sorry.
It took me a long time to reach this conclusion. Heck, I was even going to apologise to my tutor for crying in the tutorial. Tough words from my friends made me realise that this was not the right thing to do. It is not okay to attack someone's personal morals. Not okay at all, no matter who you are. You cannot tell someone how to read. Everyone connects with literature in a different way, One should not undermine someone else's interpretation just because it is different from theirs.
I'm not going to change my morals just to get a first. So, future Kenny, the next time your views are destroyed in a tutorial, don't cry. Defend your views and fight back.
EDIT- The tutor apologised for making me cry in my next tutorial with her.
Thursday 6 November 2014
Saturday 1 November 2014
A letter to one of my bestfriends.
"I love you, I just don't like you anymore."
This scene from 'One Day' has always made me feel sad. I saw the film about two years ago and although the scene moved me, I could never really understand how it is possible to love someone but dislike them at the same time. That was then. Now, I fully understand what Emma meant.
Everyone loves their bestfriends, right? Your bestfriends know you better than other mere acquaintances. They know what makes you tick, share your interests, know how to cheer you up when you're feeling down, know the things that you stand for and believe in, as well as your hopes and dreams and aspirations. Bestfriends become your family away from your family, kind of like your home away from home and you know that they'll always have your back.
Then, how does this dislike come in, you ask? It starts to seep in when this bestfriend, the one who knows what makes you tick begins to subtly insult you every now and them. He'll claim it's just 'banter' and 'friendly teasing', but banter can only last so long. Is it 'banter' for your bestfriend to repeatedly mock the way that you talk, the Nigerian/British/American accent that you can't help because you grew up bilingual and spent the first half of your life living in another country? Is it 'banter' for your bestfriend to repeatedly put down your beliefs, going as far as to imply that there is a 'negative correlation' between intelligence and having a faith, even though he knows that these beliefs make you who you are? Is it 'banter' for your bestfriend to repeatedly suggest that he is better prepared for the world than you are because he went to a private school and you went to a state school? Is it 'banter' for your bestfriend to repeatedly make disparaging remarks about those that you know who give blood and are dyslexic, for example?
Dear bestfriend, I love you, I really do but I'm afraid if this continues, I'll start to dislike you and this dislike might even become hate and I really don't want this to happen. How can I prevent this from happening? I'll stop bottling things up and I'll start calling you out when you say things that are not okay or PC. Please don't see this as me attacking you. I only want to save our friendship and save you from alienating me and others. Thanks and speak soon.
This scene from 'One Day' has always made me feel sad. I saw the film about two years ago and although the scene moved me, I could never really understand how it is possible to love someone but dislike them at the same time. That was then. Now, I fully understand what Emma meant.
Everyone loves their bestfriends, right? Your bestfriends know you better than other mere acquaintances. They know what makes you tick, share your interests, know how to cheer you up when you're feeling down, know the things that you stand for and believe in, as well as your hopes and dreams and aspirations. Bestfriends become your family away from your family, kind of like your home away from home and you know that they'll always have your back.
Then, how does this dislike come in, you ask? It starts to seep in when this bestfriend, the one who knows what makes you tick begins to subtly insult you every now and them. He'll claim it's just 'banter' and 'friendly teasing', but banter can only last so long. Is it 'banter' for your bestfriend to repeatedly mock the way that you talk, the Nigerian/British/American accent that you can't help because you grew up bilingual and spent the first half of your life living in another country? Is it 'banter' for your bestfriend to repeatedly put down your beliefs, going as far as to imply that there is a 'negative correlation' between intelligence and having a faith, even though he knows that these beliefs make you who you are? Is it 'banter' for your bestfriend to repeatedly suggest that he is better prepared for the world than you are because he went to a private school and you went to a state school? Is it 'banter' for your bestfriend to repeatedly make disparaging remarks about those that you know who give blood and are dyslexic, for example?
Dear bestfriend, I love you, I really do but I'm afraid if this continues, I'll start to dislike you and this dislike might even become hate and I really don't want this to happen. How can I prevent this from happening? I'll stop bottling things up and I'll start calling you out when you say things that are not okay or PC. Please don't see this as me attacking you. I only want to save our friendship and save you from alienating me and others. Thanks and speak soon.
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