"Black people can't row."

  In Fresher's Week, I met a boy. Let's call him Scott. Although his first words to me should have put me off immediately ("Hi, I'm Scott and you'll be voting for me one day."), I ignored them and assumed that he was joking, because that's what PPE students do...right? Anyway, a group of us decided to go to the pub for drinks, in order to get to know one another better. For some reason, we started talking about rowing (Scott was an avid rower in secondary school), then all of a sudden, Scott announced matter-of-factly that 'black people can't row', looking very pointedly at me. He was so sure of himself, backing up his ludicrous claims by giving examples of black people in his school that couldn't row. Being the only black person in that pub, I felt embarrassed to have been so singled out but as it was Fresher's Week, I didn't want to make a scene and be know as 'The Black Girl That Gets Easily Offended'. So, I laughed it off as a joke, even though I was seething inside, thinking to myself, "Boy did I misjudge this guy, what a jerk!" and from then on, I avoided Scott and disliked him from afar. That was my first mistake.

  Flash forward to two terms later, post the 'too black' incident. Scott decided to run for a position on the college committee and at dinner, I was explaining to my friends why he would not be getting my vote. I cited the rowing incident as one of the many reasons why I found him rude and unapproachable. Five of my six friends on the dinner table were appalled at what Scott had said to me and were totally on my side. However, one of them didn't see anything wrong with what Scott had said. Let's call this friend George. George started going on about how Scott was correct due to things like 'survival of the fittest', the bone structure of black people and the slave trade. Sorry, what?

  I laughed nervously and told George to be very careful with his words as he was slowly digging himself into a hole. Unlike with the 'too black' incident, my other friends on the table weren't silent; they rushed to my defence and repeatedly told George to stop talking. However, George stubbornly stood by his words and refused to see the fault in them. As I had to leave dinner early for a meeting, I couldn't really emphasise to George how wrong he was and as I was late for my meeting, I completely forgot about what he had said. This was my second mistake.

  Later that night, my friends and I were going out to a club but at predrinks, I felt disengaged with everything but I couldn't pinpoint exactly why this was so. Then, as we were walking to the club, my good friend Hazza D came up to me and started apologising profusely for not defending me more at dinner with George. Then, all the hurt that I had repressed came rushing at me and I burst into tears in the middle of the street. I felt so disappointed with myself. Although I had improved slightly from the 'too black' incident with defending myself, it still wasn't good enough as George had no idea at all how much his words had affected me and that he was in the wrong!

  Somehow, despite my emotional state, I made it into the club but I was very upset. I needed to be alone and think about what I was going to do but I didn't want to be a downer and ruin my friends' night out. With a lot of difficulty, I escaped from the care and worrying eyes of Hazza D and another great friend, that we'll call Froggie. I went back to college alone after less than half an hour at the club to get some advice on what to do from my lovely college husband. My reliable sister assured me that I wasn't overreacting, as did the hubby and he also emphasised to me that just like with the friend from the 'too black' incident, George isn't racist; he is just ignorant about certain things. Due to this ignorance, George doesn't know when he comes across as un-PC.

  Hazza D, Froggie, and the hubby were very furious at George for making me cry and they were vocal about this to him. The next day, George came to my room nearly in tears. He apologised repeatedly for how thoughtless he had been and wanted to know if we could still be friends. I forgave him and we had a very long heart to heart about the whole situation and now, we are stronger friends. Long story over.

  I learned a lot of things from this experience. 1) I should have told Scott that his words were rude in Fresher's Week, instead of being afraid of looking like the stereotypical 'Angry Black Woman'. 2) Likewise, I should have chastised George instantly for his rude comments, instead of letting the situation magnify and exploding with tears. 3) Due to the kind of environment that I'm in, micro-aggressions are more likely to occur (a week ago, there was an incident with an old man and McDonalds...ask if you're really interested in knowing) but it is my job to never let them defeat me and to always speak now and defend myself. 4) Great friends are out there. With the 'too black' incident, I had felt completely alone because none of my other 'friends' on the dinner table had noticed the error but this time, friends like Froggie, the hubby and Hazza D were pivotal in resolving the issue.

   So yeah, that's me. As Clarence Oddbody says in 'It's a Wonderful Life (BRILLIANT film, I highly recommend it), "No man is a failure who has friends." Peace out.